Today’s post is a bit of an unusual one, in that it’s exploring not so much farm life, but a philosophical topic and yet one of great practical importance.
On a certain niche social media site I’m part of, there was a discussion on the importance of maintaining good personal habits, even on the superficial matters of dress, hygiene and grooming, if one is to attract a woman. Commenters spoke of the importance of carrying these habits through into marriage.
I wrote this in endorsement:
Christian women are commanded to respect their husbands.
That’s a darn sight easier to do when the husband is objectively respectable.
For the curious, the command for wives to respect their husbands can be found most clearly in Ephesians 6. But that got me thinking on how husbands can lose respect. Four obvious ways come to my mind: being a doormat, a slob, a fool, or a scoundrel.
These tie back to the four cardinal virtues. The word virtue itself comes from the Latin word vir, meaning “man”. To be virtuous, then, is part of what it means to be a real man, as opposed to merely being an adult human male.
So what are the cardinal virtues? They have old names, but none the worse for that. They’re prudence, justice, temperance, and fortitude. Let’s look at how these contrast with the ways to lose respect I described above.
The doormat lacks the virtue of fortitude. His desire to avoid conflict makes him unsteady, unsure of himself, weak-willed, irresolute. A woman will feel that she can’t rely on him to protect her or her children.
The slob lacks the virtue of temperance. He may not be addicted to anything obvious, like drugs or porn or video games, but he is failing or refusing to exercise mastery over his body. Being controlled by his low appetites makes him appear degraded, and this degradation shames women, and men, who associate with him.
The fool lacks the virtue of prudence. The book of Proverbs has much to say on the subject of the fool. A fool is incapable of proper leadership, and women recognise that aspect of him. A woman doesn’t necessarily want a husband who is smarter than her, but ordinarily a woman wants a husband who is wiser than her. The fool is unlikely to pass that test.
The scoundrel lacks the virtue of justice. The idea that women don’t like scoundrels is perhaps the most controversial; there are reports of serial killers who have adoring female fans. I can’t comment on everything going on there. But violent anger is different to dishonesty. The scoundrel, the habitually dishonest and treacherous man, is at a much higher risk of betraying even those close to him, or of causing his whole family to become objects of derision or even to be shunned. An exceptional man might be respectable in spite of being a scoundrel; but it’s unlikely for a man to be more respectable because he’s a scoundrel, and most men need all the honest respect they can get.
Therefore, gentlemen, the call is to embrace the godly and masculine virtues. They may or may not help you get a girlfriend; but if you’ve married well, the virtues will almost certainly help you be a better and more attractive husband, and whether you’re married or single, they will help you bring forth more good fruit in your life.
Over and out,
The Mad Scientist